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He noticed, watched and studied her
He had for a long time.
But this girl no more than average,
never knew of his spying eyes.
No, she could not even see him...
that ghost who knew her better than words.
A phantom who lurked in the shadows;
She never knew of his stalking ways.
Even in the afterlife,
he did not want to move on to heaven
because staying by her was all he wanted... and needed.
Then this girl who forgot all about him
grew up, got married, and had children.
But patiently waiting... he stayed by her,
through all the hardships of her life.
She aged more and more while he stayed in his childish form,
and the moment she was about to close her eyes in eternal rest,
Her cold, trembling hands reached out to him and she said,
"I'll finally get to see you, my only true love"
Another late night...
the ceiling calls out to me.
Wide-eyed, I see something lurking in the darkness.
The sheets are crumpled, pieces clutched in my hand.
Images surface from the blankets.
I can't help the fact that I'll always hear those voices;
Waking me up throughout the night.
I'll never stop thinking about you, because knowing
I hurt my beloved keeps this fellow awake all night long.
Forgive this fool,
the sleep deprived one.
Calling me late this misty night,
I stay up late... eyes open wide.
Slowly, surely, in the end you will kill me.
Not with instruments of destruction,
Not by your own hands,
but your heart...
will kill me.
A bit crazy, yes?
That I notice you,
Even in a crowd, no, sea of people.
It hurts to say,
that even you are not worthy of my affection.
So please, take the time to figure it out!
I cannot stand being trapped in this cage
specifically designed by you.
Trying to pry my way out only hurts me;
Such a devious trick played by you.
The hours and days I spend for you
are a waste of valuable time and unrequited effort,
Because in the end
You will kill me...
with your heart.
Maybe you don't care
Maybe you can't even see me
But I'm there-
Actually I know you can't see me
and that's why loving you is so painful
You can't love me if you don't even know I exist
All I can do is love you from afar,
Invisible... that's what I am.
I'm just a ghost to you.
Literally, I am.
Everyday she drew,
on paper, on the walls,
on the chalkboards in school, on backs of buildings,
and even on her own body.
Everything that came into reach, she drew.
The adults asked her,
"What do you want to be when you grow up?"
But she ignored them, living in her own little world, by her own rules.
It was as if, everything drawn on canvas came to life.
What was better than living in a world of self-perfection?
One day, she met someone.
Someone called a "friend"
She drew that friend a picture
without using pencils or paper or paints or crayons.
That perfect medium she used was her heart.
She took out her glass heart and gave it to him
He thanked her, taking it with him.
The next day, he gave her heart to another
who shattered it to pieces.
Now this girl draws for the rest of her life
without a glass heart.
QuoteThe Walls tell the Truth
On the walls,
I can see them
as they watch me.
They're mocking me, begging me, wanting me...
As my soul calls out to them.
The walls painted with red written words,
â€œI think I love you
QuoteIn the Devilâ€™s Mind
â€œWhere were you last night?" The female nurse faced the young male doctor who stood before her. â€œYou were going to check up on that young girl, remember?"
â€œAhhâ€¦ yesâ€¦ I forgotâ€¦" His crystal blue eyes turned away from her, ashamed to admit he hadnâ€™t shown up because he had taken a bit of a break outside to have a smoke. He flicked his coal black hair, with his pale hands sheltered in the pockets of his white lab coat. â€œI suppose Iâ€™ll have to go and see her right now, then?" The mysterious doctor walked away before the nurse could answer.
It was a quiet and deadly silent hallway. Only the sounds of his echoing footsteps were heard. The walls, the tiled floor, the doors, were all white. There were no windows anywhere. Such a lonely atmosphere, he thought. Rarely any people came or knew of this part of the hospital since it was a desolated area where only special-case patients were treated. Finally, at the end of the hallway, he reached a door that had a strange aura emerging from the inside. Turning the brass knob, he opened the door to a room for 6 patients, but only one occupant inhabited it.
By the window was a bed with a young girl playing with her dolls on it. She had long black hair that matched the doctorâ€™s, and a pretty left eye that resembled his own. Her right eye was covered with a white eye patch with a picture of a blue bunny on it. She was childish for her age, liked to wear her hair in pigtails, and was attracted to collecting dolls. So far her collection consisted of 52 dolls. She was like a porcelain doll, dainty and fragile like glass. The 8 year old turned around, and smiled at him. The doctor approached her slowly with an expressionless face.
â€œDoctor Juros!" Jumping off the bed, she gave him a quick hug.
â€œHow are you feeling today, Aki?"
â€œIâ€™m not Aki, itâ€™s Aya!" She smiled mischievously, holding him tighter. â€œAki doesnâ€™t want to come out right now. But Iâ€™m fine, now that youâ€™re here! So youâ€™re going to play with me because you promised, right?"
â€œAya, I heard that you were a bit feverish last night, are you ok now?" He brushed aside her bangs, and felt the temperature of her pale forehead. Not was warm as yesterday, he thought.
â€œPlease doctor! Play with me!" She pleaded him, tugging on his white coat.
â€œWhereâ€™s your mother? Did she come visit you?"
â€œNoâ€¦ she never does." She held on to his coat, her head stayed low as if glued to the ground.
He felt a bit anxious at that response. He knew more about her than she did. The truth, he couldnâ€™t tell her the truth. It would not only affect her, but his life, and his familyâ€™s life. Unable to respond, he looked at the door, wishing and hoping someone would open the door. Then he heard his name being paged on the PA system and used it as an excuse to leave the situation. He exited the room, leaving the agitated little girl alone in the room.
The secret that was kept from her, he knew it. If he were to tell her, her condition would become worst. She had suffered a lot already. Endless nights, her dreams interrupted by delusions and hallucinations. At her age, she already knew of the cruelty and selfishness of the world. Love was a word that had never been in her vocabulary. She thought the word was only existed in fairy tales. Every human was foolish and greedy, she thought. It saddened her deeply. Her mother hadnâ€™t cared for her because she was too different, as if she wasnâ€™t even human. She had thought that for a long time. The girl never knew her father. He was a mystery to her. So she attempted to replace him. But Juros knew who he was.
It was late that rainy Sunday night, not even the sound of the Mozartâ€™s Symphony No. 40 could calm her down. The young girl had been rudely interrupted in her sleep by a nurse who was trying to give her an injection to ease the pain. The bunny eye patch shifted to her left eye, revealing an emerald-coloured eye in its place. Aki had woken up. Pissed off, she grabbed the nearest object to her: a copy of Shakespeareâ€™s â€œA Midsummer Nightâ€™s Dream" and smacked it against her face. With a few moments distracted, Aki took that chance to grab the drug-filled syringe and easily injected it into the nurseâ€™s right thigh. She let out a small wince of pain before passing out with foam started erupting from her mouth. Aki giggled mischievously at the sight of her.
â€œSo thatâ€™s what you were trying to do, huh?" She crackled, kicking the fallen nurse. She switched her eye patch to the right.
â€œAki, whyâ€™d you do that?" Aya said angerly. She placed one hand on her hip as the other switched the eye patch back to the left.
â€œShe tried to kill us. Just like mommy did, remember?" Again, Aki changed the eye patch to the right.
â€œNo! I donâ€™t want to remember!" Aya put her hands on her head, as warm, stinging tears fell from her eyes. She collapsed to the cold ground and lay next to the dying nurse. It seemed as if the dosage was a tad too strong that it was enough to kill. The nurse wasnâ€™t found until a couple hours later but it was too late. Several people came in to take away the body, leaving Doctor Juros to take care of the unconscious Aya.
She seemed to be in no physical harm, but mentally it seemed as if her condition had gotten worst. Nightmarish memories of her mother hitting her, to the point of knocking her out flashed back to her. Then she remembered when her mother had tried to kill her. How could anyone kill their own child? Although, she was in a coma, the tears never stopped flowing from her blue eye.
Doctor Juros gently rubbed her soft porcelain face, wiping away the tears from her eyes. â€œIf Father wasnâ€™t so irresponsible, you wouldnâ€™t have to live like thisâ€¦" He whispered softly. My poor baby half-sister, he thought. He remembered his father had gotten himself into an affair with another woman and never told his mother about it. To this day, she still didnâ€™t know. He had kept that secret so well hidden from her. When Juros became a doctor, he swore to his father thatâ€™d he would care for his sister, even though they did not share the same mother. He never told her that he was her older brother. Ayaâ€™s mother worked at the local bar and never came home to care for her newborn child. She hated her own daughter and wished she never gave birth to her. Juros pitied his half-sister because of her abusive and unstable mother. Being an unloved child all her life, half of her wanted to be in motherâ€™s life, but her other self wished she had never been born from an unfit mother. Eventually, the young girl became sick, and spent most her days in the hospital. In her mind, she was confused and indecisive.
She became two people: Aya and Aki. Aya was the old her, gentle, kind and playful. Aki was the new her that stayed dormant until she couldnâ€™t take it anymore. Aki wasnâ€™t sweet and playful like Aya. She was sadistic and did many cruel and mischievous things. She loved the darkness while Aya loved being in the light. She often conversed with herself openly, switching the bunny eye patch back and forth to distinguish which one was dormant.
â€œRemarkableâ€¦" Juros whispered as he stared at a photo of Aya when she was a baby. â€œShe has one green and one blue eye." It was rare, for someone to be born with two different coloured eyes, he thought. He placed the photo back on the side table as he yawned and glanced at the time. 10:45 PM, it read. He laid his arms on the bedside and rested his head on them. It was going to be a long night.