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done, xeph.

[WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS NSFW LANGUAGE.]

WARNING: THE FOLLOWING POST CONTAINS NSFW LANGUAGE.


The Epic of "Crazy Eyes" (to the tune of "The Beverly Hillbillies")

Oh, this is the story 'bout a man named Doug,
And his coworker, Phil, when they went out for some stuff
Went drivin' out of camp just for to get some food,
When suddenly they ran into a really weird dude...
Crazy Eyes, that is. Redneck crazy. Country stereotype.

Doug was a-drivin' with his windows wide open
And he and Phil were just ridin' and a-talkin'
Doug said "asshole" in part of the conversation,
But the word fell on the ears of a farmer there, standing
By the road, he stood. Crazy Eyes. Redneck crazy.

Well, Crazy Eyes got angry and decided what to do:
He flipped the pair the birdie and he yelled, "Fuck you!"
Doug paid him no attention 'cept to shrug the old man off
But that's not the end, for Crazy Eyes ain't had enough...
Revenge, that is. Country vengeance. Fuel for feuds.

Doug and Phil thought their incident had passed
When up from behind them came a truck a-drivin' fast
Phil looked in the mirror and said, "Dang that's a nice grill!"
But Doug looked at the driver and his heart a-leapt in thrill...
Not a good thrill. More like panic. Widened eyes.

Doug said, "Hey there Phil, that's the guy we saw before
"Who flipped us off, and now he's after us to get some more!"
Phil doubted Doug's conclusion 'bout the driver up until
The truck passed them, stopped in the road, and cut off Doug and Phil
Holy shit. This isn't happening. How can this be?

Doug slammed on the brakes and didn't know what he should do
What would you do if a country bumpkin came a-huntin' you?
Well, this old man, he stepped out from the truck,
And he pointed at them angrily and said, "You little fucks!"
Fuckers, that is. Motherfuckers. Texas trash.

Well they call him Crazy Eyes 'cause if you look into his eyes,
You'll see one pointin' at you while the other's at the sky
He cusses and he swears by the roadkill he calls food,
And, all things told, he's one fucking scary dude.
When he's angry. Country bumpkin don't take no shit.

Doug gave him an apology, and he yelled it nice and loud,
And Phil sat there as if he could outpiss a thundercloud.
After a while, Crazy Eyes accepted this apology,
Though not without a-warnin' them, "Y'never come back, y'see?"
And they didn't. Instead went back. To camp and safety.

So that's our little story, and you take it as you like,
But be warned if you're ever gone a-drivin' on the pike,
Or road, or whatever, that if you see old Crazy Eyes,
Watch your language, or be damn good at it when you 'pologize.
Beg and yell. Kiss his feet. And he may let you live.

Y'all never come back, now, y'hear?

--

note: i put this on my lj, too, but i thought it was worth posting here as well. and YES, it really is a true story.

Post 'em if ya got 'em.

And feel free to add me to the "friends" list, too; I'll add ya right back, assuming I recognize who ya are from these forums.

http://www.livejournal.com/users/aetre/

xanga etc. counts too for this thread. i know people have been telling me xanga is better, but... well, lj is where my friends went, so it's where i am.

i'm tempted to buy those, then buy a car, and get custom plates reading, "+ 1 CAR"

now, if + isn't a legit symbol, i might have to get "PLS1CAR" and hope some people get it.

http://aetre.xepher.net/lens_flare.htm

I just uploaded this new story called "Lens Flare." It's completely done, so go ahead and read and enjoy.

And of course, any and all constructive criticism welcome.

The main page: http://aetre.xepher.net