Away Messages

[Xepher]

So... I see that a lot of people (myself included) tend to post "profound" things in their away messages. Either that, or really funny things. Here's a thread to post all those great away messages that not enough people read.


I have more away messages than I have people on my buddy list. But I'll start with one I just thought of.

The world is my oyster...

And I'm allergic to shellfish!

(And yes, I realize the irony of having an Otter avatar with this one.)

[tickyhead]

Ye gods, you can literally smell the angst! Oh, no wait . . . my cat farted. Never mind.

I don't "angst" all that much m'self, but so many of my friends were that day.....*sigh*

Does it count as amnesia if you have multiple personalities and can't remember which one is yours?

Went to psych class and wanted to write something involving mental stuff. That was what I came up with. Not my best, but it got my friend into this reeeeeeeeally long winded rant while I was away, which is saying something cuz he rants all the time, but you REALLY gotta do something for him to rant for 15 paragraphs straight about the same thing

hmmmmmm I'll have to rack my brain for more of these little gems.....I know I had some REALLY good ones but I can't remember them at all. Usually I just use quotes from cartoons or webcomics.

[Lei]

I'm not here right now, leave a message
#I said I'm not here...
#Can't you READ??
#... (about three more lines)
#Okay Gene, just stop already.

Multiple messages (on msn) are much fun. I remember this one because I got spammed by him after I came back on. Also because he was the only one that got that far (meaning, I'm right!). I guess that's not much use to other people, though.

That or..
 

Out chasing a rainbow. Be back when I catch it.

To which I get many WTFs for.

[thefemnazi]

I love Ashley's.  They're often quotes of something else.

Hmm, I can't think of anything good.

[Aetre]

Sleep! That's where I'm a pirate!

shamelessly ripped from a friend of my former roommate. all i've done since is change the last word around every month. This month it's, "Sleep! That's where I'm a muffin!"

also,

Food! It's what's for dinner.

[Miluette]

I like short one-word aways because I'm lazy. Also, song lyrics. Not profound songs or anything, mind - horribly silly songs.

terror has a name
it's "mom"

For when Mom goes RAAAHHGGH INTERNET, because it ties up the phoneline.

Sending things to Earth...

Maps...Programs...Music...
Inspiration...Dreams...Light...

From the Katamari Damacy obsession era earlier this year (when I got it)

I could be downloading something while safely nestled into my bedsheets... I could be playing a video game... I could be drawing... I could even be studying. The point is, I'm away.

TALK TO THE AWAY MESSAGE!!!

Laaaame.

And then there are inside joke aways. Whee.

[thefemnazi]

Ah, yes, inside jokes.  I love using my away message to tell specific people they suck.

I had a grat idle one for awhile...

"Oooh!  Shiny!  Must touch the shiny....."

[willsan]

Mine tend toward silliness...

Gone Fishing  
(it's the original away message!)

Ever seen someone power-slide a 35 foot transit bus?
(I'm at work, and it's snowing...)

...and video game references

It is very dark here.  You are likely to be eaten by a Grue.

26 skier LFG storm peak!!!1

[Xepher]

I tend to vary between embarrassingly emo poetry, song snips, wise quotes, and funny/offbeat stuff.

Jesus Saves!
The rest of you take 2d6 damage.

Rest, sit, and sigh
For today you did not die.

Besides, when you hit your thumb with an eight pound hammer, it's nice to be able to blaspheme. It takes a very special and strong-minded kind of atheist to jump up and down with their hand under their other armpit and shout, "Oh random fluctuations-in-the-space-time-continuum!" or "Aaargh, primitive-and-outmoded-concept on a crutch!"

--Terry Pratchett, on why even Dwarves have gods. (From "Men At Arms.")

The Carnivore's Creed

1. Vegetables are what food eats.
2. Fruit are vegetables that fool you by tasting good.
3. Fish are just fast moving vegetables.
4. Mushrooms are what grows on vegetables when food's done with them.

"There's no shame in honest work, if enough money's involved." -- Freefall

When in doubt... Irish Stout!

Say what your heart wants, then let your life follow.
Anything more is ego.
Anything less is cowardice.

We'd like to take this time to talk to you about something far more important than away messages - It's Cleanliness. Which is next to Godliness. And if you want to be as clean as a true Scott, you've got to use:

Scottish Spring!
Soap for men.

Now, Scottish Spring! isn't full of creams or stripes or perfumes like a girly soap. No, Scottish Spring! has got sand and grit and broken glass to scrub the dirt and sins right off ya!

Now don't forget, Scottish Spring! costs more than your normal soaps, but it makes showering such an unpleasant experience that you'll save more than that on water alone! It's guaranteed to be the largest soap in the house!

Now, of course Scottish Spring! works best at water temperatures of 40 degrees or below. So if you haven't got the McGuinnies to shower like a man, this isn't the soap for you.

Scottish Spring! For those who are man enough to wear a dress!

BOFH Excuse #81432:
Squirrel-Induced Cable Fade

Though my soul may set in darkness, it will rise in perfect light;
I have loved the stars too fondly, to be fearful of the night.

--Sarah Williams "The Old Astronomer to His Pupil"

Tie me here in time
I think I'm doing alright
And kind of getting by

Make tonight my life
I think I'm doing alright
And kind of getting by

Tie me here in... time.

--Punchline "Getting There Is Getting By"

[otterath]

Gone scrying...I can see you!

Reading a Redwall book. Don't be jealous, someday, you'll learn to read too.

Yes, I love Redwall!

I am nobody. Nobody is perfect. Therefore, I am perfect!

I'll be back in 5 minutes and if I'm not... Wait longer.

There are three kinds of people in the world; ones that can count and ones that can't count.
Which of the three are you?

[thefemnazi]

moo with me sir

when I carry pepper spray, the whole damn world should be terrified.

AC/HP
For those about to roll, we salute you

I stole that off a t-shirt I wanted to buy but couldn't afford at the time.

Showering.  There's wet and naked involved, if that sort of thing excites you.

General Apathy begins now.

Sorry if I'm not terribly exciting.

[tickyhead]

'Nother batch for ya.

I'm off fighting monsters and saving the world! What's your excuse for not leaving the house?

God save me from your followers.

Got that off a bumper sticker.....doesn't really have anything to do with being away, but it's still funny. I think it's funny at least.

"Running never solved anything!" "solves most things."

brownie points to whoever can guess where I got that, seeing as it's fairly vague.

Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left!

yeah, almost none of my away messages actually involve being away.

[DarkClownNizzo]

Got a couple here.

We apologize for any inconvenience. Test subject #666 has temporarily escaped our asylum and is at large. Should you see him, be sure to call us so we can pick him up and dispose of your corpse. Thank you.

A good joke site- (link to tubgirl)

Do NOT follow the link in the second away message if you value your eyes and stomach.

ADMIN: At the request of another member, post was edited to remove actual link. I know you warned people not to click, but not everyone reads warnings that come after a link. This makes people have to hunt for it, AND prevents search engines from linking from there back to here. Sorry if that sounds harsh, but we do NOT want that sort of crowd here.

[Munerift]

I've got two ones I think are pretty good thoughout my travels:

Lost my mind, out looking for it.

You laugh because I'm different. I laugh because I just farted. You've got less than 30 secounds to run!

Edit: The secound one my fiance tells me all the time! =P