Yeah, I just saw that somewhere a few days ago. Crazy stuff!
Curiously enough, about 15 minutes after I posted the stuff above yesterday, I got a knock on the door. It's a guy that does mobile dent/body repair, who saw the huge crunch in my suburban door and was telling me he could fix it for $175. I debated it for a few minutes, because I know he can't make it as perfect as he's saying or anything, and that it's a fair chance this was a scam. He sold me on the idea when he said "Well, look at it this way, I can't make it any worse, can I?" I laughed, and figured why not give it a go.
He worked in the yard here, mostly with hand tools, and did a decent job of bending stuff back into shape, then filled the rest with bondo. It's not perfect by any means, but it's a lot better than it was. In a way, it kinda answered my question above, as I realized I'm not willing to sink the money into this thing to keep it too long, so the cheap fix was the best option in the meantime. The other thing that happened was I borrowed my roommate's brand new truck to go to the ATM and get cash to pay this guy. Driving the brand new truck made me realize how much I do want a new vehicle. :-)