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« on: November 10, 2005, 06:39:00 pm »
I thought this would be interesting, as it fun, profitable (?), and smart.
Here is the Five Fictional Characters You Would Punch in the Face Meme:
1) Claudio from Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. I don't care if Wilson played him. Claudio is a whiny, unhelpful, braindead monkey. Did he ever stop to wonder about the fact that Boraccio was diddlying with Margaret the whole time? And the fact that when Hero wasn't with another female member of the household or velcroed to Beatrice, she was with Claudio? I mean. DUH. Zomg. Dummy.
2) The Duchess of Malfi from the self titled play, [strike]I'm a h0r with a h-zero-r[/strike] The Duchess of Malfi, by Webster. She is not cool, she is not romantic, she is not regal, she didn't stand up to her brothers, she is a DUMBASS. She is a whiny, selfish coward, who insted of actually saying, 'Screw you brothers, I found a guy I like, and I'm marrying him,' she said nothing but sneak around with the first semi-attractive guy (who is also a dimwit). She has two kids out of wedlock, which sets a bad impression for the young females of her province, and that also rankles me. She runs away, and then tries to make up for it for dying cool. But she still needed Delio to die poorly to prove that the Duchess wasn't a complete idjit. Gah.
3) The Widower from Witwer by Schnitzler. The man first plays up the sad card, he loved his wife, she was beautiful, can't understand how she's poof!dead. Then he finds correspondance between her and his best friend Hugo, and he keeps his loyalty to the best friend, even though the Hugo has been banging her for months. While he's tearing her apart, Hugo shows up, and suddenly Mr. Widower remembers that Hugo the Disdainful has been sleeping with another bird while he's been cheating with Mr. Widower's wife. Then he gets mad. Agh.
4) Hamlet from the self-titled play, Boob How to be a Ponce I'macrazyloony Hamlet, by Shakespeare. He is not a good guy, he's a moron. He's a moron with a plan. And in Mel Gibson's version I hate Hamlet more because he macks on his mom. EUW. And the moron, instead of just killing his guilty ass Mom screwing uncle, instead drives his girlfriend batty to the point of suicide (I still think it should be called indirect homicide by stupid boyfriend), kills her father, makes his good buddy hate him then kills him, kills his two old friends from school, and indirectly kills his mom. BEFORE he kills his guilty ass Mom screwing uncle. I mean, Jesus, people. What the hell?
5) Raptor Red's Sister, from Bakker's Raptor Red. Self absorbed and bitchy, Raptor Red's sister is a complete bipedal idiot. Her kids take precedence and instead of being smart, she constantly makes Raptor Red make the hard, mean decision instead of letting Raptor Red have some sexamatation. Then, when Raptor Red's awesome boyfriend is around, treats him like garbage a la the peoples of Andorra treat Andri, until Raptor Red's mate does become a creep, thus hurting Raptor Red. And then, in a fit of blind stupidity that cannot truly be verbalized, gets herself killed and leaves her three children to the care of Raptor Red. What a bitch. God I hate her.
Agh.