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Critic alert! ^^

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Kira Dwenna:
Where would one actually put this?  Hmmm.....  o.O

*brain churning random thoughts*
......fried chalupas.....

Okay!  After a hectic moment of thought, I decided that, "Maybe I should ask first."

Yep!  Mmmmhmmmm! ;)

I have something, you see, that I would like a bit of critical advice on.  How's my writing style, what should be improved..that sort of thing.  *nods*'s a wee bit long, and I'm not sure if it's appropriate to post the first chapter of something or whatnot in the forums.  
So, a 'go ahead' or a 'naysay' (and where to put it if there's a naysay) would be appreciated!  :D

And here's the prologue for ye to chew on:


Prologue ~ Ab Hinc ("From here on")

"By three methods we may learn wisdom: First, by reflection, which is noblest; Second, by imitation, which is easiest; and third by experience, which is the bitterest." ~ Confucius

It is often said that the Norse God Odin, great Hunter of the wilds and keeper of the souls of fallen warriors, had but one weakness to his name...  His unquenchable thirst for knowledge, which cost him to lose one eye to Mimir, keeper of the well of wisdom.

Well shall we heed this tale of an ancient humanity.  The oath must be kept at all costs.

Odin's got one other weakness... He gets eaten by the wolf Fenrir at Ragnarok! :-)

But seriously though...

Yeah, go ahead and post a chapter here if you want. No problems with that. Just don't expect a great response. Most of us seem to be rather busy. I, for example, can't even find time to write more than a few thousand words in an entire month. I'd love to really take the time and discuss/critique writing again, as I really do enjoy it... but as I said, I can't even find time for my own writing. So go ahead and post, just don't be offended if you don't get any response.

Kira Dwenna:
I'll keep that in mind.  You are setting a horrible precedent by being so quick on the uptake, though. ;)


Chapter Two ~ Cui Bono ("Good for whom?")

   "Aw man!  Five bucks for lunch?  What kind of place is this?"
   Jim shrugs.  "It's buffet, bro.  Fine dining for some people in here."
   Erik steps to one side, two girls walking past him to go through the door he had been blocking.  A glare is directed at his friend.  "Damnit, Jim.  That isn

Kira Dwenna:
After reading it myself, I say:

Dialogue is a little stilted.

Based on this chapter alone, I have little to no originality.  

Editing is my friend.

Any more comments from the peanut gallery?  XD

Comments?  Yeah.  That's...interesting.  Living way up in north Idaho, most fantasy never makes it to where I am.  If that's unoriginal, I definitely haven't read it's predecessor.  

Anyway, enough rambling.  The story is good, so far.  I liked the last paragraphs, though I am thoroughly confused as to what was going on.  I am always confused, so it's likely not you, though.  The conversations were, as you said, a bit broken, though I could follow it easy enough.

My main complaint here is gonna' have to be the absolute lack of spaces between paragraphs.  More often than not, they make it easier to read.  

Yeah, good story.  I generally have to read something two or three times before I catch most of the problems, so I'll probabaly say more later.

Also, Peanut gallery?


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